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The Bitch is Back!

My my my, what a long dull winter it's been around here, darlings.And a LOT of water over the dam since my last post. I will try to be a more regular correspondent from now on, I swear. Did you miss your Goddess, hmmm????? 

Your beloved Goddess has been rather snowed under of late.  Not literally, of course - Buddha forbid the pristine streets of Tenkai should be marred by something as unsightly and inconvenient as SNOW ! **sigh**  No, dear ones (whoever you are), I've been snowed under with tons and tons of bureaucratic horseshit, and worse than that, sheer unadulterated b-o-r-e-d-o-m.  You see, my dear nephew Konzen Douji decided to take himself rather an extended vacation with that tiny ape of his - something about getting the boy away from "unsuitable influences" or something (COFF **Kenren Taisho** COFF) and in his absence, the mounds and mounds of paperwork that he normally takes care of all fell under my immaculately-manicured hands.  It was everything I could to to stay awake long enough to heft that damn chop seal of Konzen's over and over again. Honestly, I don't know how he stands it.  I don't like to think about would happen if he ever really went away. But we won't think about that now, darlings, he's back, and it's my birthday!

Well, one of them, that is.  I do get three a year, you know. Which seems rather an unkind thing to do to a lady "of an age", if you ask me -- but no one did.  And this birthday, of all things, celebrates the anniversary of THE most insane thing I ever did in my entire life:  one mad, foolhardy moment in my youth (I was pining over a lost love, you know how it is) when I actually entered a nunnery! No, not one of THOSE nunneries, like in Shakespeare - a real one darlings: robes, chanting, lots of incense and bowls of rice... the whole nine yards!  Can you imagine? Well, my dears, what all those "sacred texts" and "historical scrolls" accumulating dust in the Emperor's Libraries neglect to mention is this: the minute they told me I was supposed to shave my head, I made a beeline for the gate!!  And then, when they told me I was had to be celibate.....  Well, as you can imagine, my dears, at that point, I broke into a full-out run, left a trail of glittery dust in my wake, and never looked back!  HAH! Celibate, my round perfect ass.  It will be a cold day in Tenkai when the Merciful Goddess swears celibacy... and you KNOW how often we have cold days in Tenkai, don't you?

So anyway, darlings, if nothing else, it's useful as an excuse for a party. The bad news is it means that I have to feign all this solemnity and piety crap for nearly a full day - fasting, meditating, and all that happy horseshit.  *yawn*   But then, come midnight, they're holding a lovely little fete for me at my favorite pub - the Seven Magical Golden Balls. (Who named that place, anyway? Fucking Tinkerbell?!)   It promises to be the same lovely rowdy time it is every year - even better this year, because Tenkai has a few more dragons around the joint than we did last year, and you know how those dragons do love to party! 

Speaking of dragons, I'm planning on forcing coaxing dear old Junie-chan into being my escort to "the Balls."  Jiroushin will throw a screaming fit if I go alone, and my old man's a dear old soul, but he's SUCH an unholy drag at things like that. I simply can't let my hair down and really party with him huffing and chuffing his disapproval every time I order another round, or bat my eyes at someone!  Besides, I know for a fact that old Goujun-sama would rather walk on his thin pursed dragon lips across broken glass, than be seen escorting Yours Truly - especially to a BAR!  **giggles**   That alone is worth the price of admission, kiddos!

So buckle your seat belts, boys and girls and all things in-between -- it's gonna be a fun ride! And Happy Birthday to ME!  **throws confetti**

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
goldencicada
May. 30th, 2012 03:51 am (UTC)
Did it ever occur to you, Aunt, that you are an 'unsuitable influence' as well? YOU try explaining to Goku why he can't wear filmy clothes just like 'Auntie Kanzeon' does.

And, just so you know, I have to re-do almost every bit of paperwork that you touched with those lacquered claws of yours.

Oh, and... Happy Birthday, you old hag.
kanzeonositall
May. 30th, 2012 07:16 pm (UTC)
My my, nephew, I see your little vacation didn't do a damned thing to improve that disposition of yours, did it? Isn't it awfully hard to walk, what with that stick so far up your arse, and all?

Really, darling, you simply MUST try to learn to relax a bit. Why don't you join us at the Balls tonight to toss back a few? I'm sure your little friend Tinpot or whatever his name is will be there. But do find a sitter for the little simian, darling. Things don't even get started until after his bedtime, and... well, I can't guarantee that it won't be a little "R" rated for his tiny PG mind. (Or yours, for that matter. **grins**)

Be there, darling.

REALLY. **Smiles**
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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